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“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.”
- Carl Jung
The Theory of the Subconscious
If you’re a psychologist, you will be familiar with Jungian and Freudian psychology of the id and the ego. If you want to really develop your critical thinking skills of learning the psyche and what makes us tick you might want to delve deeper into this. But for now it might be better just to look at the essentials of shadow work as in my opinion these earlier theories behind shadow work can lead to negative associations with our hidden or shadow side, whereas more modern shadow work has us discovering more the reasons and past traumas behind what we may perceive as flaws, how these characteristics have developed.
It is only when we can process the seeds that we can forgive what has grown from there.
There is a deep understanding nowadays that embracing the darkness within is a crucial part of our spiritual journey. Just like the witch standing in the moonlit forest, arms outstretched, we too must face our shadow selves and explore the hidden aspects of our psyche through shadow work.
But what exactly is shadow work?
Shadow work is the process of diving into our subconscious self and exploring the parts of us that we may have repressed, denied and locked in a deep part of us never to see the light of day.
It is about acknowledging and integrating our shadow aspects, the parts of ourselves that we may consider dark or negative. What we might consider as flaws, as the parts of our behaviour or personality we feel, or more likely have been told, ‘lets us down’. The parts of us that if we let our thoughts linger too long on, we feel ashamed.
These aspects can include our fears, insecurities, traumas, and even our deepest desires, and we need to be really honest here, we all have them. But we do need to explore these parts of us, and we absolutely do not need to feel any shame.
Examining and exploring these quirks, (and I am not going to call them flaws here, because they are not) in a non-judgemental way is what’s key. It’s about recognising the ‘issue’ and finding the root, the seed, the beginning. Once we can pick it apart, we can begin to see how the thoughts formed, how these parts of our personality became embedded. And only then can we start work on forgiving them. Forgiving and feeling complete compassion for the traits in us that we might always have felt less than okay with. That people may have shamed us for or told us we are unlikeable because of.
Most of the self limiting beliefs we have about ourselves are formed in our very early years, normally by the age of five. These will have been instilled into us often by well-meaning parents that were brought up in different times to the ones we live in now so had very different ideals. Unfortunately as these (now very wrong!) core ideals embedded into our subconcious, and the older we get we tend to reinforce these beliefs by feeling shame, like we’re letting people down, like we’re not quite enough or are not good enough to acheive the goals we’d like to achieve. Things that are deep rooted take a long time to unlearn, but we really do need to unlearn these things!
Take me for instance. I’m an only child. I don’t have cousins that I have grown up with as they live away and are older than me, but my mother had lots of friends and I grew up mainly around adults and being included in adult conversations (whether they wanted my input or not, I provided it), so I have always struggled forming friendships with similar aged peers.
I can struggle with possessiveness with people and possessions and my excuse all my life has been, ‘I’m an only child’.
This is quite flawed behaviour, I say ‘quite’ to lessen the fact that it really isn’t the nicest trait to have, and it is something I have had to explore and be aware of. But it is also something I completely forgive because feeling sadness, fear and insecurity when another child hugged my mum or tried to take my toys or tell me I wasn’t the leader in the game we were playing (because my need for complete and total leadership is another skill I have to finetune) is not something I have chosen to take into adulthood. These are just fears, traits and insecurities that present to me when often, I am least expecting it, that have me ricocheting back to being six and crying in my bedroom.
But I now know the roots of this, and telling myself that I’m no longer affected by these issues, that I can be forgiven for these feelings and I’m not just a ‘mean, bossy kid’ really does help. I can now recognise these feelings when they show up, I know my triggers (please don’t touch my stuff without asking!) I now know how to process these feelings and soothe the inner child in me that was ‘told off’ for these behaviours. I now tell her it’s okay to feel this way, nothing bad will happen and that I love her! However, shadow work is not about dwelling in negativity or self-pity, and it’s definitely not about blame or shame! Instead, it is a powerful tool for self-discovery, healing, and personal growth.
By shining a light on our shadow selves, we can uncover the root causes of our patterns and behaviours, and ultimately transform them into sources of strength and empowerment. But as easy as this may sound it really is not! Shadow work can be really uncomfortable, messy and it can uncover things we aren’t expecting so we do need to do it with real care and attention to our feelings.
It might also help to have someone you trust to talk to, who may be able to provide a mirror back to you for you to help discuss any points your explorations raise.
So how can we incorporate shadow work into your practice?
Here are a few examples and tips to get you started:
Journaling:
Set aside some time each day to write down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Use this as an opportunity to explore your shadow aspects and reflect on any patterns or triggers that arise. Allow yourself to be honest and vulnerable in your writing.
Meditation and Visualisation:
Find a quiet space where you can meditate and visualise yourself descending into the depths of your subconscious mind. Imagine yourself facing your shadow self, embracing it with love and acceptance. Allow any emotions or insights to arise naturally.
Rituals and Spells:
Create rituals or spells that are specifically designed to work with your shadow aspects.
This could include creating an altar dedicated to your shadow self, performing a banishing ritual to release negative energies, or crafting a spell to transform a specific fear or insecurity. Cord cutting rituals can be really useful for this.
Seek Support:
Shadow work can be intense and challenging, so it's important to have a support system in place. Connect with other witches or like-minded individuals who are also on a journey of self-discovery. Share your experiences, seek guidance, and offer support to one another.
Remember, shadow work is a deeply personal and individual process.
It's important to approach it with compassion, patience, and self-care. Embracing the darkness within ourselves is not about becoming consumed by it, but rather about integrating all aspects of who we are and embracing our wholeness as witches, because it is through this exploration that we can truly grow, heal, and transform ourselves on the path of the truly aligned lifestyle.
Journal Prompts
These are some of the journal prompts I would use, or at least base your shadow work on.
Maybe some of the questions won’t really apply to you, so either adapt them or leave them. But maybe some will hit a little too hard and you instinctively try to avoid them. They may be the ones you need to work through the most.
I tend to do shadow work through the dark moon phase, or times during the winter when the nights are long, and I feel the need to dive deep. But shadow work is important to do all the time, or any time.
Remember though to do it at a time when you won’t be rushed, and you have time to take an hour out to recover! If you’ve ever had therapy or counselling, you know the emotional drain it can be to start digging into your deepest self.
It is not called work for nothing.
What does the term “shadow work” mean to you?
What are three main goals you want to achieve with shadow work?
Did your parents show you compassion and forgiveness as a child?
What were your parents/caregivers' morals and values? How do your own morals and values reflect these today, and why do you think that is?
Do you struggle to form healthy attachments within your relationships? If so, what goes wrong? Do you know why?
What was the last argument you had about? How did you react? How do you feel about it now? Was it resolved?
Would you call yourself self-destructive? If you do, how do you engage in these behaviours?
How do you move forward after hurting someone else?
Write about one person you’ve never forgiven. What did they do? Why do you still hold a grudge? Do you want to forgive them some day but can’t bring yourself to?
How do you feel about confrontation? Why do you think this is?
When you feel emotional pain, how do you make it go away? How do you feel about this?
What is one thing you can do today to release some of the trauma in your body?
What was one way you used to self-sooth when you were growing up?
If you could speak to your child-self now, what would you say?
How does thinking about yourself as a child make you feel?
What are your limiting beliefs and how do you plan to overcome these?
What are some shadow traits that you know/believe/have been told you possess? How do these make you feel about yourself?
Why do you consider certain shadow traits you possess to be ‘negative’?
What’s one trait that you see in other people that you wish you had and why?
If your shadow was a separate person, what would you say to them?
What tends to trigger envy within you? Why do you think this is?
How do you react when you’re angry? Does this reaction reflect the way you saw others react to anger growing up?
What triggers you? Can you identify your main triggers?
What aspects of yourself would you like to improve? Why? How do you plan to do this?
Has anyone else ever pointed out areas that you need to improve? What were these? How did this make you feel?
What emotions do you tend to avoid feeling?
What misconceptions have you harboured in the past? Where did they come from?
Ask again...What does the term “shadow work” mean to you? Has your answer changed?
In the past I have been known to do my shadow work in a ‘burn book’, where I can spill my innermost thoughts, fears, feelings, anger! And simply burn it. Obviously in a safe way.
In the past, at my messiest it has probably been burned in front of a firepit in the garden while I have been crying and hurling obscenities at it, but still, the anger and resentment is released in a healthy, feeling your feelings way.
In fact often, just the aspect of the writing it down, feeling like I’m telling someone my problems and fears is enough to help ease them. To help me feel release and to start to comfort and soothe the part of me that is hurting or afraid.
When caring for your shadow self it is important to:
Make sure you clear a space where you can be undisturbed. Light your white, pale pink or pale blue candle. These are pure, healing, compassionate colours. They will give you light, warmth and strength. Have some heart opening crystals with you, rose quartz, rhodonite, malachite. Anything comforting and loving. Do a meditation to calm your mind and bring you into the present moment.
Be completely authentic and honest – even if this feels uncomfortable, and it will. But the importance here is to do this in a really careful way to make sure that you are supported and not leaving yourself vulnerable.
Have a care package ready to soothe you. Have some nice herbal tea, your favourite cake/chocolates/biscuits, a lovely bath oil, your favourite TV show, your softest blanket ready for after when you’ve done this work. Try a salt bath or shower to clear the negative energy. Use your amethyst and rose quartz. Have a good soothing meditation ready to help clear and ground you. Don’t do it ten minutes before you need to leave the house for work or the school run. Give yourself time. Make a date and commit to it just as you would a doctor’s appointment. This is crucial self-care.
Acknowledge any thoughts or emotions that come up. Try not to judge them, just be curious. Write them down. Sometimes what seems to have the smallest of symbolism may actually be part of a much bigger picture when you write it down. And make sure you write down everything – even if you don’t think it’s important now, it might be later.
Don’t pressure yourself to write lots if it doesn’t feel right. A simple couple of words or phrases might be enough to start unlocking things that lie hidden or suppressed.
Be gentle and forgiving. Compassion for those parts of you that are in pain, healing from trauma, and if you can forgiveness for those who have hurt you and created this trauma. They too are only human and probably suffering from traumas of their own.
The Healing Process
Once you have begun to understand your shadow, you are going to want to know how to heal.
Healing is not a fast process. Those of us who have tried to heal quickly know that this in turn leads to more problems and more shadow work later down the road.
Feeling is key
Acknowledging your emotions, traumas, situations that you feel that you should never have been put in. But these things are what have built you.
Like a wall that looks old, worn and haphazard from a distance could be the wall that has stood for a hundred years and will stand another hundred. With the occasional block that needs replacing and a little work it will stand strong, even if it was built on the shakiest foundations.
Try choosing a few affirmations that mean something to you, then repeating them whenever you feel the need for that reminder.
Write your chosen affirmations down, and these can and will change over time!
Choose what feels right at the time. Record them on your phone, say them in your head while you’re cleaning your teeth. Pop them on your fridge or the inside of your car.
Make sure you feel that boost when you see them, like your little internal cheerleader is giving you this as a compliment.
I can heal
I am strong
I choose to move forward with my life
I am not defined by my past
I am not my past
The future is the gift of a fresh start
I love the person I’m becoming
My trauma is not my fault
I have to feel to heal
I am grateful for my strength
Facing my inner self makes me stronger
The only person I seek validation from is myself
I am worthy
I matter
I choose to release grudges and hurts
I choose to accept my parents for who they are
I am grateful for all that has blessed me with empathy, kindness and compassion
I have the power to change
I am grateful that I can now see myself for who I am and embrace that
I accept responsibility for my mistakes
I forgive myself
I am free
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